Requesting Wants and Needs
Imagine needing a drink of water but not being able to tell anyone you're thirsty.
Or wanting your favorite toy but not knowing how to ask for it.
For many children, this is a daily reality.
One of the very first communication skills we often teach in ABA is requesting wants and needs, also known as manding. It may seem like a simple skill, but it's one of the most powerful ways we can help children become more independent and reduce frustration.
What Is Requesting?
Requesting means communicating to get something you want or need.
That might include asking for:
A favorite toy
A snack or drink
Help with a task
A hug
A break
More bubbles
A turn
A favorite activity
A blanket when you're cold
We all make requests every single day—often without even thinking about it.
Children deserve the same ability to communicate their wants and needs in a way that others understand.
Why Is This Skill So Important?
Requesting is often one of the first communication skills we focus on because it gives children immediate access to things that are meaningful to them.
When children learn that communication works, they're more likely to continue communicating.
Instead of crying, grabbing, or becoming frustrated, they begin to discover:
"I can ask for what I need."
That realization is life-changing.
Requesting Doesn't Have to Be Spoken
Communication looks different for every child.
A request might be:
Saying, "Cookie."
Signing "more."
Pointing to a picture.
Handing an empty cup to a caregiver.
Pressing a button on an AAC device.
Pointing toward a desired item.
Looking between an adult and the item they want.
All of these are meaningful forms of communication.
The goal isn't to make every child communicate the same way.
The goal is to make sure every child has a reliable way to be understood.
Why Does Teaching Requests Matter?
When children can appropriately request what they want or need, we often see improvements in many areas.
They may become less likely to:
Cry when they want something.
Throw toys out of frustration.
Pull adults by the hand.
Grab items from others.
Become aggressive when they need help.
Instead, they begin using communication to solve problems.
That's a skill they'll use for the rest of their lives.
How Parents Can Encourage Requesting
You don't have to wait until therapy to practice this skill.
Throughout the day, create opportunities for your child to communicate.
For example:
Pause before opening a snack.
Hold the bubbles for just a moment.
Keep a favorite toy slightly out of reach.
Wait expectantly.
Give your child a chance to communicate before automatically giving them what they want.
If they need help, model an appropriate request.
"You can say, 'Bubbles, please.'"
Or sign "more."
Or point to a picture.
Respond immediately when they attempt to communicate.
The more successful communication feels, the more likely they'll use it again.
Celebrate Every Attempt
It's easy to wait for perfect words.
But communication develops one step at a time.
If your child:
Reaches
Points
Makes eye contact
Uses part of a word
Signs approximately
Uses their AAC device
Hands you an item
Celebrate it.
Every successful attempt strengthens communication.
Perfection isn't the goal.
Connection is.
The Mustard Seed Way
At The Mustard Seed Behavioral Health, we believe communication opens doors.
When children can express their wants and needs, they gain more than access to favorite toys or snacks.
They gain confidence.
They gain independence.
They gain a voice.
Teaching a child to request isn't simply teaching words.
It's teaching them that their thoughts, preferences, and needs matter.
And that's one of the greatest gifts we can help provide.
🌱 Parent Reflection
Think about the last time your child wanted something.
How did they let you know?
Every point, glance, sign, picture exchange, spoken word, or AAC button press is a step toward greater independence.
Celebrate those moments.
They're building the foundation for a lifetime of communication.
Nurtured by Love. Empowered to Grow. Destined to Thrive.