What is Behavior? Why Does it Happen?
As parents, caregivers, and professionals, we often focus on what a behavior looks like. Is a child crying, yelling, refusing, running away, hitting, or throwing items? While these actions may be what we immediately notice, behavior is much more than what we see on the surface.
To truly support children, we must first understand what behavior is and why it happens.
What Is Behavior?
In the simplest terms, behavior is anything a person says or does.
Behavior can include:
Talking
Playing
Following directions
Asking for help
Crying
Laughing
Walking away
Completing chores
Raising a hand in class
Many people think of behavior as only the challenging things children do, but behavior includes both skills we want to see more often and behaviors we may want to better understand.
Behavior Is Communication
One of the most important concepts we teach families is that behavior serves a purpose.
Children may not always have the words, skills, or emotional regulation needed to communicate what they need. When this happens, behavior often becomes the method of communication.
A child who throws a toy may be communicating:
"This is too hard."
"I need help."
"I'm frustrated."
"I don't want to do this right now."
A child who cries when a parent leaves may be communicating:
"I'm scared."
"I need reassurance."
"I don't know what to expect."
A child who repeatedly asks the same question may be communicating:
"I need more information."
"I'm feeling anxious."
"I need comfort."
Rather than asking, "How do I stop this behavior?" it can be helpful to ask, "What might this behavior be communicating?"
Why Does Behavior Happen?
All behavior happens for a reason.
In Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA), we often look at the function of behavior, or what the child gains or avoids by engaging in that behavior.
Generally, behavior occurs for one of four reasons:
1. To Gain Attention
Humans are social beings. We all seek connection and interaction from others.
Examples:
Calling a parent's name repeatedly
Interrupting conversations
Acting silly to make others laugh
Attention-seeking isn't necessarily a bad thing. In fact, seeking attention is a normal human need. Our goal is often to teach more appropriate ways to gain that attention.
2. To Access Something Desired
Sometimes behavior helps a child get access to something they want.
Examples:
Asking for a snack
Pointing to a favorite toy
Crying when a preferred item is unavailable
The child may be trying to obtain a tangible item, activity, or experience.
3. To Escape or Avoid Something
At times, behavior helps us get away from something that feels difficult, uncomfortable, or overwhelming.
Examples:
Leaving the table during homework
Refusing a non-preferred task
Complaining about chores
This does not necessarily mean the child is being defiant. The task may be too difficult, confusing, boring, or stressful.
4. Sensory or Automatic Reinforcement
Some behaviors feel good, calming, or regulating to the person engaging in them.
Examples:
Rocking
Humming
Hand flapping
Fidgeting
Twirling hair
These behaviors may provide sensory input that helps a child feel more comfortable and regulated.
Looking Beyond the Behavior
Imagine seeing only the tip of an iceberg above the water. That's often what behavior looks like.
What we see:
Tantrums
Yelling
Refusal
Aggression
Crying
What may be underneath:
Anxiety
Fatigue
Hunger
Communication difficulties
Sensory needs
Frustration
Skill deficits
Unexpected changes
When we focus only on stopping a behavior, we may miss the opportunity to address what is actually causing it.
What Can Parents Do?
When challenging behavior occurs, try asking yourself:
What happened right before the behavior?
What happened after the behavior?
What might my child be trying to communicate?
Is there a skill they need help learning?
Are there environmental factors contributing to the situation?
Approaching behavior with curiosity rather than judgment often leads to more effective and compassionate solutions.
The Mustard Seed Way
At The Mustard Seed Behavioral Health, we believe behavior is not something to fear, punish, or simply eliminate. Behavior provides valuable information about a child's needs, experiences, and developing skills.
When we take the time to understand the "why" behind behavior, we can teach meaningful skills, strengthen relationships, and support growth in ways that honor each child's individuality.
The next time you see a challenging behavior, remember: behavior is communication. Sometimes the most powerful thing we can do is listen to what that behavior is trying to tell us.